I'm writing my first ever full-fledges sales letter, and thought I'd just leave the link in this forum and see if anyone would care to share thoughts/ideas/reactions to it.
It's for a new book I've spent the last 3-4 months writing.
__________________ "Client Swears Under Oath He Has Not Been Abducted And Improved By Aliens To Develop Such A Fantastic Memory!" http://YouCantBeatMe.com
Um, I was wondering if the book is all about you or is there something in it for me. As a potential customer I didn't get the feeling there was much there for me. I found it a bit too long. I'm terribly busy trying to start my own business and don't have time to read so much. Could you have told me what you were offering me and what your irresistable offer was in less time? I'm a newbie too. Hope someone else more experienced tells you what they think.
Sten, To a degree, I think you are on the right track with the personal story approach but you need some work to make me interested. Here are a few comments I have:
The top of the page has your form asking why I am not ordering.
The first headline is reversed. The general rule is to avoid reverse printing. We are not used to reading reverse so don't make me do something I am not used to doing. You mention looking people in their eyes and they look down. That doesn't make me want to read further.
Overall, I find it physically difficult to read. The layout is hard to follow because you have too many characters per line and too much spacing between lines. If you look at a book, a newspaper or an online or offline article, they publisher uses single spacing within paragraphs because that makes it easy for the reader to read line-to-line.
The headlines seem scrunched together and hard to read. The headline should jump out at me and make me want to read the next section.
It takes a long time for you to get to the benefits of what I am going to get out of this.
It is really hard for me to get through the sales letter because of the layout issues.
Remember that the reader doesn't really give a hoot about you so you need write so it makes them scream "Tell me more!"
I agree with mom_rae, you need to make your story more compelling and about what's in it for me. The challenge with the personal story approach is to write so it makes me interested enough about you to make the reader become part of your life enough to want your solution to their pains.
Congratulations on your book and for the fact that you wrote your sales letter. The hardest step is the first one!
Good Luck! Paul
__________________ Dedicated to increasing your sales!
Seeking same advice and maybe a refer to someone with experience writing Sales Letter for a suitable price.
Discover the sneaky (yet legal) strategies will enable you to squeeze every single cent from your website visitors. Each of these Affiliate Landmines could be worth thousands to you!!! http://www.get-affiliate-landmines.com/
Here's the message I got when I clicked your link.
"The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request. Please contact the server administrator, support@powweb-inc.com and inform them of the time the error occurred, and anything you might have done that may have caused the error.
More information about this error may be available in the server error log."
Killer sales letter? 
Linear Mode
